Lone eagle

“Because this is what I wanted,” she said with a wave around the apartment and in the direction of the baby. “A husband, a baby, a regular life. You need a lot more than that in your life, you need power and success and excitement and airplanes, and you're willing to sacrifice everything for it, even people. I'm not. This is what I wanted.”

“We could have had this, and more, if you'd waited.”

“Not from what you said then.”

“It was the wrong time for me, Kate. I was starting a business. That was all I could think of.” It was true, but she knew that his aversion to marriage and kids and responsibility ran deeper than he was admitting. She had seen it. She knew him better than he knew himself. He had been too terrified to let her in.

“And now?” she asked skeptically. “Are you dying for a wife and a bunch of kids?” She smiled at him. “I don't think so. I think you were right, you'd hate it.” She was convinced of it now.

“It depends on who the wife is. But no, I'm not looking. I found the right woman a long time ago, and I was foolish enough to lose her.” It was a nice thing to say, but it made Kate uncomfortable. There was no point talking about that now, and she didn't want to. But he didn't want to let it drop yet. “I mean that, Kate. I was an incredible fool, and I want you to know that.”

“Oh, I knew it,” she laughed at him, “I just didn't think you did.” And then she grew more serious. “I appreciate knowing how you feel about it, Joe. Things happen the way they're meant to.”

“That's bullshit,” he said bluntly. “They happen a certain way because we screw things up, or we're scared, or we're stupid, or just plain blind sometimes. It takes a lot of brains and courage to do things right, Kate, and not everyone has that. Sometimes it takes time to figure it out, and then it's too late. But you have to fix it if you can. You can't just sit back and leave things screwed up, and say that was how they were meant to be. Only fools do that.” And they both knew he was no fool.

“You can't change some things,” she said quietly. She understood what he was saying, but she wasn't sure she liked it. There was no point rehashing the past.

“You didn't give me enough time,” he said, looking deep into her eyes that were the same color as his own. They were like mirrors of each other. They were so alike in some ways, and so diametrically different in others. And it was all so perfect when it worked.

“I waited two years, after I left you, to get married,” she said sternly. “You had all the opportunity in the world to change your mind and come get me. And you didn't.”

“I was mad. I was scared. I was busy. I hadn't figured it out yet. But I have now,” he said pointedly, and she felt her heart do a somersault when she saw the look in his eyes. He wanted what they had had before, but now it belonged to someone else. That was hard for Joe. He always wanted what he couldn't have. “Look, Kate, I get it. I have a great life, I've built a solid business, but none of it means as much to me without you.”

“Joe, don't let's talk about this. There's no point.”

“Yes, there is, Kate,” he said, looking at her. “I love you.” And before she could say another word, he kissed her, and then put his arms around her as they sat on the couch. She felt as though she were drifting into another world with him, floating through space, as her heart soared, and a moment later she fell to earth as she pulled away.

“Joe, you have to go.”"

"“I won't until you talk to me about it. Do you still love me?” He had to know.

“I love my husband,” she said, looking away from him so he couldn't see her eyes.

“That's not what I asked you,” he persisted, and finally she looked into his eyes. “I asked you if you still love me.”

“I have always loved you,” she said honestly. “But it's not right. And it's impossible now. I'm married to someone else.” She looked agonized as she talked to him. She hadn't wanted this to happen. She had convinced herself they could be friends.

“How can you love me and be married to Andy?” Joe said, looking profoundly upset.

“Because I didn't think you loved me, you didn't want to get married…” She had gone over it a hundred times. A thousand. A million. And it was too late. “So you married the first guy who came along?” “That's a rotten thing to say. I waited two years.” “Well, it took me longer to figure it out.” He sounded like a child, but no matter what the words were, it didn't matter. What mattered was what she had felt when he kissed her, what she saw in his eyes when he looked at her, and felt in her heart. She was still in love with him and knew she always would be. Kate felt like she had been condemned to a life sentence, there was nothing she could do about it now.

“I can't do this to Andy,” she said simply. “He's my husband. We have a child.