Family Ties

“He’s still so hard.”

“Mmm hmm. He always will be, as long as you’re around.”

“There you go again, making me feel all tingly inside. And that’s a good thing, ’cause… I was really mad at you earlier. Lucky for you, I thought about it and calmed down.”

“Believe it or not, nothing.”

I couldn’t keep the shock out of my voice. “Really?”

“No,” she laughed, “it was something I realized.”

“Well, I figured out why your dad isn’t jealous of your mom and Susan.”

“Mmm hmm. He’s… sleeping with both of them.”

I forgave her the euphemism.

“Well…? He is, isn’t he?”

“It depends on what time it is,” I joked. “He might be talking instead. Or getting a handjob. Or trying to convince them to have sex.”

“Ha ha. Very funny. But this is serious. He’s… doing it with both of them, isn’t he?”

“But that isn’t what made you mad,” I said, “is it?”

“That you aren’t jealous of me and Wren.”

And that was the other shoe. “Ah.”

I breathed a soft laugh. “You know me so well.”

“And I’m learning more all the time.”

“And you’re still avoiding the question.”

“Yep, you’re right.”

“So you aren’t going to tell me?”

“Wha—? Oh, I get it. So you admit it?”

“To thine own girlfriend…,” I said.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Using my own logic against me?”

“Mmm hmm,” she said faux-sweetly.

Part of me wasn’t ready to say it out loud—I knew where it might lead, even if she didn’t—but the grown-up part knew that saying it wouldn’t change anything. Unless it did. I almost jumped when she laughed. “What?”

“You’re really nervous, aren’t you?” She laughed again, but with affection. “Mr. Big isn’t so big anymore.”

“Like when Rich caught us together.”

“Then I was pissed off,” I said. “Now I’m just scared. That I might lose you.”

“You’d’ve lost me already if I hadn’t figured out the rest. I still wanna

hear you say it, though.”

“All right.” I took a deep breath. “Here goes… Yes, I want to have sex with you and Wren.”

I did too. Then I stated the obvious, “Not what you were expecting?”

“I… don’t know. You’re always preaching honesty, like the Church preaches chastity. I guess I didn’t expect…”

“Didn’t expect me to practice what I preach?”

“But not about the really important things.”

“No. Well… not really. I’ve told you all along that there are lots of things you don’t know about me. Sometimes I lie by omission. I don’t want to tell you more than you can handle.”

“Like the nudist thing.”

“And the fact that you want to sleep with my best friend.”

“Right,” I said heavily. “There’s more to it than that, but… that’s the gist of it.”

“Yeah. But I don’t know if you’re ready.”

“Because I’m the one who knows what you don’t know.”

“How’m I supposed to know if you won’t tell me?”

“Fair enough. But… lemme see if I can explain it another way.”

She nodded and fell silent as I thought about it.

“Maybe,” she admitted. “But I don’t give up easily.”

“True, but if you don’t have the ability, you simply don’t have it. You can

“Well, I’m a bit like Siobhan here. You trust her to teach you everything she knows, right?”

“But she has to do it in manageable pieces and wait till you’re ready for the next step. I’m doing the same. I’ll tell you everything… but a little at a time, and only when you’re ready.”

“I’m not an idiot. Or a child.”

“No kidding. It scares me how fast you figure things out. But you aren’t me, either. A lot of this sex talk still makes you uncomfortable.”

I deliberately kept my mouth shut.

She took a deep breath and physically relaxed. “I still don’t like that you won’t tell me things, but I understand. I can’t learn everything at once.”

“Still… you’d be proud of me,” she said after a moment.

“Probably. But what for?”

“Well, I figured out what you wanted with Wren, and why you weren’t jealous, and…”

“Duh! I was really mad at you. But… now I’m not.”

“What happened to change your mind?”

“Something you said.”

“Yeah. We were talking about those girls you dated before me, the ones with the religious hangups.”

I nodded that I remembered.

“Well, when I realized you want to sleep with Wren too, I got upset and jealous. I wanted to hit you. The only thing that saved you was how innocent you looked while you were sleeping.”

“Thank God for that.”

“What did you decide?”

“What do you think?” she said without heat. “I thought about it a lot. You know, like you said: I tried to be honest with myself.”

“I won’t say I’m not scared,” she admitted, “but I’m not jealous.” She fell silent and thought it through again.